Today I had to go in for my 6 week check up. I had to go alone this time because David had a big test to take at work. I don't know if I will ever get over being anxious when I am there. I know right now everything is still pretty fresh, but everything about it makes me feel overwhelmingly sad. Things were fine until I had to sit in the waiting area for 30 minutes. I could feel my anxiety slowly building and my palms getting sweaty, and pretty soon I was basically in full panic mode. Luckily the nurse came to get me to take my vitals right before things got really bad. After she stuck me in the room to wait for the doctor, I broke down in tears. My doctor there, Dr. Rowland, is very understanding thankfully. She walked in with a box a tissues and made sure she patiently answered all of my questions and let me know that she wouldn't leave until it was absolutely clear in my mind that I could not have done anything differently to prevent this and it was in no way a result of something I did or did not do. It will never be my fault. She must have known my mind always wonders if it was my fault. My heart knows it wasn't, but sometimes my head isn't quite sure and likes to think about it for long amounts of time.
Even with Dr. Rowland's support and all the answers she gave me and encouragement for future pregnancies should we choose to try again, I still returned home feeling sad. I planned to put on a movie and lay down for a little bit, but the power was out so I decided to watch YouTube videos on my ipad until it was back on. I have had trouble sleeping ever since baby David was born. I mean I sleep great once I am actually asleep, but falling asleep is a major battle every single night. I usually go downstairs so David can sleep and look at pinterest (or the hilarious pintrosity blog) or I wiki different subjects or celebrities, but I also watch YouTube videos from time to time. I found a lovely video about Christ a little while ago, and I watch it often when I am feeling really sad. It includes my very favorite song. And it makes my spirit feel lighter.
Watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?
It amazes me always that Christ did what He did, and lives now just for me; just for each of us individually. And even after all of that, He is never done serving us. It is hard to believe how much our knowledge can be expanded if we listen carefully and learn in the right way. And not just knowledge of heavenly things, but of earthly things as well. And I will be forever thankful for all of the times, in the past few weeks especially, that Christ has filled the holes of my broken heart and let me know that my precious child is never very far away because Heaven exists where covenants are kept and faithful families are eternally bound together in His holy house. We we are and we will be together eternally. And there is no comfort greater than that.
Even with Dr. Rowland's support and all the answers she gave me and encouragement for future pregnancies should we choose to try again, I still returned home feeling sad. I planned to put on a movie and lay down for a little bit, but the power was out so I decided to watch YouTube videos on my ipad until it was back on. I have had trouble sleeping ever since baby David was born. I mean I sleep great once I am actually asleep, but falling asleep is a major battle every single night. I usually go downstairs so David can sleep and look at pinterest (or the hilarious pintrosity blog) or I wiki different subjects or celebrities, but I also watch YouTube videos from time to time. I found a lovely video about Christ a little while ago, and I watch it often when I am feeling really sad. It includes my very favorite song. And it makes my spirit feel lighter.
Watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?
It amazes me always that Christ did what He did, and lives now just for me; just for each of us individually. And even after all of that, He is never done serving us. It is hard to believe how much our knowledge can be expanded if we listen carefully and learn in the right way. And not just knowledge of heavenly things, but of earthly things as well. And I will be forever thankful for all of the times, in the past few weeks especially, that Christ has filled the holes of my broken heart and let me know that my precious child is never very far away because Heaven exists where covenants are kept and faithful families are eternally bound together in His holy house. We we are and we will be together eternally. And there is no comfort greater than that.
that was a great video, thanks for sharing Marissa...just what I needed today:)
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