Forever Love

Being home with Jax has been different than I expected. There are different challenges than I thought there would be, and the moments of joy are different than I anticipated as well. But even in the hard moments, it has been so great. 

My whole family came to visit to meet Jax about a week after he was born. While they were here they wanted to go visit D3. So we all went on Sunday afternoon. Aside from the actual funeral, that was the hardest trip to Quantico for me. I never imagined how much healing Jax would bring to my heart; how his little body snuggling up against mine in the middle of the night would soothe the wounds of the past year.  I couldn't fathom how life would be. But I also never imagined how quick and hard the pain could flood back in. I never thought about how seeing Jax would bring up more questions about David and an even greater desire to know him. I didn't realize that being able to tell Jax every day that I love him would make the fact that I never got to tell baby David I love him hurt even more.  

Having children on both sides of the veil has taught me so much about eternal families and forever love. We are so thankful for our temple covenants, our understanding of eternal life, and especially our special little family. 

Shay takes pics

My sister Shayla came to visit a couple days before Jax was born. She helped us finish up some stuff, hung out in the hospital all day waiting for Jax to arrive, and fed me ice chips during labor (at some point she did mention that I reminded her of a whale because at sea world they put ice on their tongues. Awesome thing to say to a pregnant lady...ha ha). She also hung out in the hospital for the two following days. And when we got home she took pictures. Here are a few of them:

We may be a tad bias, but we think he is the cutest boy ever. We love him more and more every day. 

Celebrating Birthdays

Happy Birthday Jax!

 

Long labor, several complications, no sleep the night before = cute baby and a beat Momma

So in Love.  

Already cannot get enough of him.

 Poor tongue tied baby had to learn how to suck after getting his tongue clipped. :(

 Jax Loves his Daddy. He is the best at getting him to stop crying. 

Happy Family. 

Getting Ready to Go home. Finally.  

This is my favorite picture. Baby Jax holding his brother David's footprints. 

And Happy Birthday Auntie Shayla!

More pictures to follow. He looks so different already! 

Rainbow Baby

Rainbow Baby
mir-a-cle
Noun 
1. Baby born after the loss of another child
2. "Rainbow Babies are the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it does not mean that the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What is means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and the clouds. Storm clouds may still loom over, but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy, and much needed hope."
Synonyms
marvel, wonder, blessing, mercy, love

At the hospital right now. Long (and somewhat traumatizing) day yesterday but we made it. And then I spent all night cuddling my new little one. The lack of sleep was worth it. 

One of the amazing people from S.O.B.B.S is doing a balloon/butterfly release yesterday. Our D3 was one of the names that is written on a little butterfly to be attached to a balloon. It's comforting to know that he was being remembered and celebrated yesterday (even though I wasnt there) on his little brothers birthday. 

Beautiful Heartbreak

It is so crazy that we will be meeting our second baby THIS WEEK. I have been taking one day at a time, the entire time, and its a little surreal that the days are running out. I cant believe how many days have passed, how many tears have been shed, but also how many smiles there have been. It really has been a beautiful heartbreak.