The Littlest Turkey

We spent Thanksgiving this year at home…just the three of us. David watched football while I cooked. We ended up with a TON of food, but apparently fulfilled one of David's dreams to have a Thanksgiving with only a couple people so he wouldn't have to stress the whole time about getting seconds (or thirds…or sixths) on his favorite items. I would have loved to be in Idaho with my family for my cousin's (and truly one of my best friends) wedding, but holiday plane tickets were just too expensive for us and David wasn't sure what kind of time he would have off since we have never done shore duty (and he hasn't actually had a Thanksgiving off since we have been married). So we just hung out here. It snowed the night before but of course that was all gone by morning so we were also able to go out and take a few pictures.

The Feast:

We had: Turkey, Mac & Cheese, Stuffing, Sweet potato casserole (aka yams, marshmallows for David, Pecan topping for me), gravy, cranberry, pumpkin cornbread with cinnamon butter, asparagus with mushrooms and chocolate pie. 

After the Feast we went outside for some pictures. It was FREEZING! So all of this happened in about 5 minutes. Our tiny turkey had an adorable turkey shirt!

A few days before Thanksgiving we started Jax on solids, kind of. We gave him a banana and he tasted it a couple times but decided he didn't really like it. Mostly he got it all over himself because his dad decided he probably wouldn't need a bib…WRONG! It was everywhere. But Jax seemed to enjoy himself. 

We had tried 3 days of Banana's so on Thanksgiving we decided to try something else…asparagus. I thought it was a long shot, because really, what kid likes asparagus? My kid does apparently. He seriously loved it. There are pictures of that in David's phone but for some reason they never make it to my email when I send them. Weird. 

Overall it was a good day. It is amazing to me what a year has done. Last year we were hiding from the world trying to forget that we were supposed to be having a baby that week (and hiding the fact that we were expecting another one). After the pain I felt during the holiday season last year, I really thought I would never have another happy holiday for the rest of my life. But we are happy. We still miss our babe, but our life has joy. And we are so thankful for that. 

Growing Pains

We have had a rough week. Tiny was/is cutting teeth. We noticed the first one poking through on Nov 18th after a full day and night of almost constant crying.  He is very very sad. He cries and cries and nothing we do seems to help him much. Night time is especially bad. It seems we can keep him preoccupied enough during the day that he forgets his poor gums are red and swollen. But at night, when he is tired and nothing interesting is going on, he really feels the pain.

Last night was especially horrible. Jax cried for hours and hours.  And when he finally fell asleep I was too stressed that he would wake up again (he woke up about every 25 minutes for the first 2 hours a few nights ago) so I just sat in the dark waiting to see if he would wake up again and need me to sooth his pain. Its in the quiet dark moments that I find my thoughts turning toward my first little man. I still miss him. So much. A few weeks ago I dreamt of him. And I woke up feeling like there was a baby sleeping on my chest, like Jax used to do in the first couple weeks after he was born. But Jax was sleeping on his own beside me. I think it was my Trey letting me know he was near.

I started to realize that the ache is definitely less. The memories are still there but there isn't as much pain attached to them. There is the heartache of missing that little boy I never really got to know, but the deep soul stabbing pain is definitely less.  Sometimes it hurts knowing that the time I had with him is going further and further into the past, but sometimes it is nice knowing that the time I have to wait to see him again is also getting less (even though it is still a long way away).

I love watching Jax grow. It seems he learns new things so fast. And I learn new things about him too. I still feel guilty pretty often that he won't have a big brother to look after him or play with. Instead he is going to have to be the big brother (or the only child, we will see how things go). I sometimes imagine him and D3 together. How crazy it would have been to have two (different aged) babies. How cute they could have been in matching clothes (though David would probably HATE that). I know that Jax knows his brother. And I think he still remembers him. But I know the time is near when he won't remember him anymore and all he will know will be what I tell him. It's just all part of growing up.

I know over the years there will be a lot more growing and surely some more aches and pains associated with it. Definitely there will be more teething (ahhh the horrors). Being a mom to my boys is the hardest best thing I have ever done.  And I wouldn't trade this life for anything else.

Tooth photos to come later. I am waiting til they grow in a little more so you can see them when he smiles. It is a little bit adorable. I just wish those pesky teeth didn't cause so much pain!

5 Months

We have a 5 month old in our house! Time has flown by and we love this little one more and more every day. It is so fun to see his personality start emerging. He makes me laugh so hard every day. We are so lucky to have this cute boy in our home. 

 (his favorite toy)

Surprised I got so many smiles out of him because he is teething and has basically either been screaming or wanting to cuddle. 

We lay on the floor and play a lot (we are trying to practice our rolling since everyone says he is behind) but sometimes we just stare at each other and make faces. I LOVE it!

Hurry Up and Wait

There is a phrase commonly used in the military, but that most are familiar with:

"hurry up and wait". 

I have felt the force of this statement several times in the past few years, and I again feel like this is my (our) life right now.

There are big (exciting) plans brewing in the Wallace house these days. And some of them we have started the ball rolling on, but most are still in the dreams stage simply because only one thing can happen at a time. We have talked, and planned, and talked and planned some more and now that we can finally put the plans into action, it seems to me that they will still take so long to be complete. Sometimes it is hard to look around at people who theoretically are in a similar stage of life to us, but seem to have so much more accomplished. It is hard to imagine that eventually all of our plans will get accomplished (we do have plan b and c in case something goes wrong with a, don't worry). And ask anyone (my husband especially) I am a pretty impatient person.

Maybe being a military wife has added to my impatience (or maybe I am my father's daughter). I am yearning to leave. Yearning to move on to a new experience. Yearning to have friends and feel comfortable.

Because, like I said before, all of our plans cannot happen at once, I figured I better develop some patience. There is a scripture referred to often in the Mormon faith, It is James 1:5-6, but I recently realized that I had no idea what came before this fundamental scripture. The verse before is really good too though: "But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing".

For an impatient person like me, those words are beautiful. And it tells me how important developing patience is; that it is critical to becoming perfect. And what an amazing experience to develop total patience in ourselves, in others, in our child (that woke up every single hour last night) and in our lives so that we may become perfect and want for nothing.

Speaking of patience…Yesterday I left my babe with a toy while I threw in a load of laundry. This is what I came back to.

My boy is learning to use his hands. He likes to grab and feel things. And when he got this stuck on his face he didn't even make a sound. He just patiently tried to get it off. I eventually helped him out (after taking a photo, because obviously that is necessary).

Navy Wife Life

I have been feeling really homesick lately. Being a Navy Wife, I don't actually know where home is, but it is becoming more and more apparent to me, that it is definitely not here. Don't get me wrong, this is a beautiful place with a lot to do, and it is a place we are forever tied to because it is the place where we said both hello and goodbye to our precious firstborn (and the place where he is buried so it will be very hard to leave here), but it doesn't feel totally comfortable. In fact, most of the time, it feels downright lonely.

There is a HUGE different between "east coasters" and "west coasters". We have lived in DC Metro for a year and a half and I have given up on making friends, and stick to dreaming of a time when I can get back to the ones I already have. I have never had such a hard time with it in my life, I just don't understand people here. And maybe I could put myself out there more, but I am a stay at home mom to a very cranky baby so I rarely get out. Or maybe it is due to the fact that we are a Navy family living in a non Navy world. Of course there are tons of military families, our ward is full of them, but it seems they don't take care of each other like Navy families do. Even David admits to me that the little Navy presence there is here is not close knit like it is on the waterfront. I never thought I would start to miss ship life…just a little bit though.

Despite all of this, I have come up with a ton more reasons to be grateful for this military life that we live. Of course there are hard times, and it really stinks when we have to be far away from each other, but there are good things too. Not only is the military the thing that pays the bills around here (thank you to my amazing husband who works so hard so I can stay home with Jax), but it has been helpful in so many other ways.

I also think that being a military family provided us early on with the unique opportunity to really create our own identity as a family. We are far away from all of our family so we have the great chance to always turn to each other, and an even greater opportunity to always turn to God.  It is so easy to be best friends with your spouse when there really is no one else. It is easy to have meaningful prayers when the person on the other end has really become a much needed friend.

Now that you made it through my entire rant, here are some pictures of Jax. Because lets be honest, that is why people visit this blog these days. But who could blame them? He is so cute!

This boy thinks his daddy is the comfiest thing around. It is his favorite napping spot. 

This is Jax a few nights ago…until the game (Miami Heat) got good. Then he was wide awake watching it with David. Boys must just be born with a love of sports. 

Happy Halloween

Today my primary class asked what I was for halloween. I told them I did not dress up but Jax did (Jax is in the class too…probably one of the reasons he thinks he is much older than he actually is). They asked me what he was and I told them a pumpkin. They thought that was hilarious. Really he was a Jax-O-Lanturn but I didn't want to spend time explaining the pun to 4 year olds. :)

We live in an apartment and have seen tons of kids around here so we were hoping to get trick or treaters so Jax could hand out candy in his cute outfit. But we only got one. And he showed up so late that Jax was already bathed and in his pajamas by the time he came. Apparently people go trick or treating late on the east coast because David went out at around 6:30 and saw none in all the neighborhoods he drove through. 

Anyway, we love this cute boy so much and are so happy he is part of our family. 

And of course we had to bring a little bit of halloween to our sweet first born.