Life is Hard

I finally ventured out of the house for the first time today. I ran into someone from church (something I have been trying to avoid by staying inside) who of course has to tell me how sorry they are for us. I wish there was another word to express sympathy to someone. Why does our sorrow make others feel sorry? It is just a very odd thing to me. There are others who say "I know just how you feel" which I might hate more than the general "I'm so sorry". I know what they mean, and I appreciate them trying to relate to me, but nobody but me on this whole earth knows just how I feel. And then there's the "I can only imagine..." which the social worker the military made us meet with likes to say. It wouldn't bother me if I hadn't learned in my therapy classes that it is a phrase appropriate to say when you are so far from being able to relate to the situation that you really have no other words to say. Then there are the people that attempt to offer hope by saying things like "you are so young, I am sure you will still be able to be parents." This only irritates me because it is like they are pretending that baby David doesn't exist. Sure he doesn't exist here, but we are still parents. I am a mom, and David is a dad. And our lives are forever changed because of it.

What I often appreciate the most is when people tell it like it is. We love the people who tell us it sucks or it's hard or it's just painful because that is how it is. I want to go into the card business and have cards that say "life is hard" or "well that really sucks" and nothing more. Of course we always appreciate a token of love and support, and have been so grateful for those in our life who have come forward to tell us how much they love us and let us know they are there for whatever we need.

Fortunately we aren't totally alone here. I don't know exactly how it works, but I know there was a man sent to be a Savior of the world, who not only chose to suffer for all the mistakes I would make, but all the heart brake and sorrow I would ever feel. What an amazing amount of love. And what an amazing amount of hope that offers to know that there is someone who really does know exactly how I feel because He experienced my exact feelings and He overcame it all.

I still don't know what the future holds, and every single day that is really really hard for me. There are moments when I feel so overcome with pain and sorrow that it seems there is no way out. But it is in those moments that I get to know Christ better and I know that is when miracles occur. Now I just have to find the patience to wait for them.

I found this picture a little bit ago. It is similar to a prayer that I pray every night for my baby.

And then a picture that has been one of my favorites for quite some time...