I took a finance class in college. It was required by my major and I hated it. I think I got a C. Uggh, so embarrassing. Every day though, our professor would give a devotional before class started. Sometimes it was religious in nature, sometimes just uplifting words, but it was always positive and I enjoyed all of them. Around Christmas time the professor walked in and played Josh Groban's version of "Little Drummer Boy". I had never really loved this Christmas song (the rum pu pu pums annoyed me) but as the music filled the room I really paid attention for the first time and I began to love the song. Now it is one of my favorite Christmas songs. I love the simple words about a young boy who wanted to give a gift to the Christ child but didn't have the means to get something that he thought would be fit for a King so instead he brought the one thing he did have to offer, his drum. He played that drum the very best he could and Christ smiled at his offering. Because no matter what it is, if we offer the best of what we have, that is pleasing to the Lord.
The Holiday's are still hard for me. There are still little moments that grip my heart in so much pain it takes my breath away for an instant-when I catch a glimpse of the first angel we bought for our tree the Christmas after D3 was born, when I pulled my baby's stocking, the one he has never used, out of the Christmas box to hang with the others, and when I think about sweet mother Mary who also had to say goodbye to her little boy far too soon. This year I was also looking forward to seeing Jax enjoy the magic of Christmas time. Last Christmas I thought ahead to this year and imagined him being excited about presents, Christmas lights and Christmas cookies. But because he is still at the level of an 8/9 month old, none of it means anything to him yet. This hurts my heart a little too. Not that he doesn't understand Christmas, but that he has so many challenges.
Some days I feel like I have nothing to offer back. Some days I feel so exhausted from caring for Jax and his disabilities and a newborn baby, as well as dealing with the hole in my heart left by my first sweet babe that I feel like all the parts of me are used up and I have nothing left to give. But on those days I can still offer even more patience when I feel mine has been all used up (which is pretty much every day). I can offer love. I can offer kindness to my little family and those around me. I can offer a faithful heart and spirit. I can offer extra time, and Christ will accept that as enough because it is the best of what I have to offer.
In reality, no greater gift has ever been given then that of Christ himself. His life, His love, and His sacrifice will never be matched. But we can share the gift of Christ through how we choose to live our own lives-by how we love and how we sacrifice.
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