Stingers and Bright Balloons

Thursday we took Jax to another one of his many doctor appointments. As we were driving I started thinking like I always do. Most of Jax's appointments are at a medical center closer to our house, but for some specialty appointments, we have to go to the larger hospital further away. It's the same hospital I had baby David at. And going there still makes my heart ache. Once we got in to the doctor we started talking and explaining his medical history again. He asked if we had any other children. We get asked this a lot and know that for Jax's medical issues the simple answer is just no rather than explaining our reality. It stung a little. It always does. Then he explained why he asked which was to tell us that generally kids with delays do better with an older sibling as a model. Stinger number two. It felt really painful in that moment knowing that not only do we not have our first precious boy, but that he could have really made a difference in Jax's life if he was still here. After the appointment Jax had to get some more blood drawn. Poor boy has had so much blood drawn in his little life he practically has holes everywhere, and this time it was for labs he has already had done that were lost (yeah I was a little mad about that). This time it seemed like he had the hardest time with it, and my aching heart broke even more. By the time we got home I was totally drained. I had a million chores to do, but I decided to take a nap with my sweet little boy instead. As I laid down he rested his little hand on my cheek and we both slept for a few hours. When we woke up, we both felt much better. I'm still sad my sweet boy doesn't have his big brother, but I am so glad that I have him…even with all of the trials we have had.

On Saturday we went to a friend's little girl's second birthday party. I can tell that Jax wants to be able to run around with the other kid his age so badly, but he just isn't quite there yet. He was given a bright red balloon to play with while Dad held him. He LOVED it! He came home and continued to play with it, and then woke up in the morning and played with it some more.