Be Kind to Yourself

I have had a lot of thoughts running through my head this past week. A friend of mine that I don't know very well lost her baby. It was a little boy just like mine, and like me, she had to say hello and goodbye all at the same time. Ive talked to her a bit and told her some of the same things that friends had told me. Things that they knew from experience. And even though I still have not met some of these friends in person, I know some of their deepest feelings and most private thoughts so well because they have also been my own. I have another friend who I have known for years who has been going through a very trying time in her life as well. I don't know the details of her situation as she prefers to keep them private, but I know what it feels like to experience so much hurt it feels like the pieces of your shattered soul will never go back together again. And I remember what it felt like when I was at the very beginning of my journey with D3. I remember having people who understood where I have been tell me that things can get better and me not understanding how they ever could because the pain was so great that I couldn't even breathe most of the time. But they were right, eventually things got a bit better.

Though we all have different life experiences (and some of us have some very similar ones) many of us have felt tremendous amounts of pain at some point. And I know, like me, many of us have played the blame game…mostly blaming ourselves for things that we never had control over to begin with. Its so easy for me to play the "if only" game, especially when it comes to D3. If only I had been more faithful, if only I had done things differently in terms of my health and pregnancy, if only I had been a better person, if only ____ then things would be different. Letting go of my "if onlys" was really hard for me, but it was really the only way that I could start healing. Once I was able to do this, (slowly) my mostly bad days turned into mostly good days.

Too often we are too hard on ourselves, when reality is, we are doing the best we can with what we have been given. So many situations are out of our control and we shouldn't let those situations take hold in our lives. And because I am an imperfect being, there are still days when the pain creeps back in so fresh and so vivid, and I have to remind myself all over again that it was not my fault. I have to remind myself to not think about all of the what ifs, and I have to hand my pain back over to my Savior  and find peace in Him and through His Atonement over and over again. My heart still aches for these friends of mine who are still in the beginning stages of their (current) trials. And I hope that they and everyone else are kind to themselves through the pain and through the hardship. I hope they (and all of us) can let go of the things they have no control over and not place unnecessary blame on themselves. And hopefully things will get better. I have faith that they will. Today, be kind to yourselves, because you are probably doing a whole lot better than you think you are. :)