Lasts and Firsts

It is our last weekend as a family of Four (three at home). I have a long list of chores that need to be done-cleaning that still needs to happen, figuring how to fit two baby's things in one diaper bag, packing hospital bags etc… but I really just want to sit and snuggle Jax all day long. I want to soak up all of our time with just us together. I remember feeling guilty right before Jax was born, guilty that he had made it to the end of pregnancy still healthy and well inside me and I had failed his brother. I didn't know how I would be a mother to two kids, one here and one not, and how I would feel love for each of them since their circumstances were so very different. But I figured it out. I feel a lot more guilty this time though. I know my heart will be able to love another one, because its done it before. I know that it will stretch and grow and she will be loved just as much as her brothers. That is not where the guilt lies. It is in the fact that when we found out baby girl would be joining our family, I didn't know that Jax had any medical problems. I didn't know that he had any developmental problems. I had no idea that I had a special needs child.  How could I not know? I am his mom. I feel horrible that I didn't realize it sooner, and I feel even worse that every second of my time will no longer be devoted to him. David likes to remind me that plenty of people have special needs children and also have other children, which  is true, but I am feeling overwhelmed with how close together Jax's diagnosis is coming to a new baby arriving. I think I needed more time to adjust and accept everything.

In the back of head I keep wondering what is going to be wrong with this baby. I have yet to have a "normal" baby so I just don't see how she could be either. It seems that my children are where all of my trials come from. But it is also from them that I have learned the most about eternal things.

On Friday we took Jax to get his first haircut. I was sad to cut off his baby curls, but it would basically cover his eyes if we combed it, and I wanted to be a part of the experience, so we had to go before baby girl came. He looks so much older now.  I am sad to see this baby stage start to go. Hopefully we will soon have an actual toddler-one that can toddle around the house instead of just crawl. Part of me is dreading that since he will be able to get into more things than he already gets into, but I know most of me will be so happy and so relieved. Every milestone he reaches is like a mountain conquered for us, and the relief I feel from having one less mountain ahead of us is so great.

I know that I will figure things out this time too. I remember so many nights getting up to feed Jax, and even though I felt so tired, those are the times when I felt the most peace. When the still small voice of the Holy Ghost spoke truths to my spirit and mended my soul.  When things that didn't really matter melted away, and I learned so much about things that do matter. I know this little one will be a part of that too, she will help heal my heart some more. I am looking forward to that.

And now, since most people read this to look at pictures of Jax, here are the first haircut photos :)

BEFORE:

DURING:

AFTER:

My baby looks so grown up!! waaahh. 

White House Trick or Treating

This year we got to go to the White House for Trick or Treating. They give tickets to Military Families and local elementary schools and children's hospitals. Supposedly the event is for ages 3-14 but we submitted all of our information (including Jax's age and birthday) and got picked, so we went anyway! It is our last fall in DC so we are trying to do anything that comes up, plus there were tons of kids under 3 there. It was really fun! They had a circus theme going on and had a lot of acrobats doing tricks while we were waiting in line. They also had all of the White House staff dressed up in costumes handing out candy so the kids could trick or treat the whole time (which was good because this event probably didn't allow them to trick or treat anywhere else since it took up a lot of time).

Jax wasn't exactly the biggest fan of the hood, mostly because when he was leaning back it would cover his eyes. 

This cat almost fell off the moon twice while we were standing in front of it. I wonder if she was able to stay up there all night. 

We got to take a little walk through the White House gardens.

When we got up to the part with the President and Mrs. Obama the parents had to go in one line and the kids had to go in a different one (the lines were right next to each other so the parents were still with their kids, don't worry). Because Jax can't walk, David got to carry him in the kid line, which of course made him super happy. I went in the parent line to take the pictures. 

David thinks this picture is so funny. I had my camera on continuous shoot so it caught some interesting faces. I was actually quite impressed with President Obama's knowledge of "Where the Wild Things Are". No one else seemed to know what Jax was dressed up as. 

David was definitely cheesing really hard. He was more excited to talk to Barack than Jax was. haha!!

This was the only picture I got with the First Lady because a guy stepped right in front of me as I was stepping over to take a picture from a different angle. I rammed him with my stroller and he still didn't move and by the time I got around him, David was already moving on. (If you were wondering, they handed out big orange cookies in the shape of a White House, Hershey's kisses with the seal of the President on them, Apples and Jelly Beans).

This White House staffer was quite interesting. 

More acrobatics

The clown was giving out balloon swords. Jax managed to untie the balloon before we even got off the Metro.

By the end, Jax was definitely worn out. He thought it was so fun though! 

When we got back home we went to a little festival at our base chapel and trick or treated to a few houses. I will be posting later with photos of Halloween after the White House and pictures of the entire Wild Things gang in their home made costumes. :)

Future Mr. President

Last weekend my cousin Landon came to visit with his wife Maegan and their son Miles. Miles is about a month younger than Jax (but way bigger!). They were pretty cute playing together the whole time. They were only here for about a day and a half, so we didn't have much time to see things  (and I am really slow because I am having a baby in less than a month!). Maegan really wanted to see the White House, so we decided to start with that and just see where things might go after that. We didn't get much further, but it was a fun day anyway!

We realized when we were looking at pictures later, that we all put on grey/black clothes like we planned to match. haha!

Future Presidents dreaming about life inside the White House.

We also discovered the new White House Visitors Center (15 minutes before it closed) which we will have to go back to some time and explore further. It was fun to have some family to visit with since we rarely get to see any living here, and fun to get out on an adventure before baby girl arrives. We miss you Hansens! Come back and visit us soon! :)