Fourth of July

We decided not to do much for Fourth of July this year, and it actually turned out quite perfect. 

The day before we went down to Quantico to bring D3 some patriotic things. 

On the Fourth we stepped outside our apartment complex for the annual Lorton Fourth of July parade. It made us feel like we lived in small town USA, which was actually kind of nice. 

Jax basically slept through the entire thing. We discovered he really likes taking walks in his stroller. He always falls asleep. 

That is our apartment building right there. So it was literally right outside. I was wishing we had an apartment that faced the street so we would not have had to even go outside to see it, but we don't so out we went. 

 This guy was dressed like Lincoln. He is the head of the school board here in Lorton and we learned from the people standing next to us that people call him Lincoln all the time because he really does look like him (you cant see his face in this photo, but really he does). 

Lorton Fire Department.

David is already making plans to find one of these for Jax. There were a bunch of tiny vehicles that kids were driving around actually and they had real motors in them. Not those lame batteries that die in 10 minutes. And they were fast!

Jax holding his free flag they were handing out. 

After the parade we made ribs and strawberry shortcake and watched the DC and New York fireworks on TV. I actually decided I love TV fireworks. They aren't loud, it isn't super hot and sticky, and no matter where you sit on the couch the view is great. 

I mentioned to David that it is a little bit crazy that it is July again already. He said its not really crazy because it's been the longest year ever. Can't say I don't disagree with that. Definitely the hardest year of our marriage and probably also of my life. I can't believe we would almost have a one year old. It is strange to think about especially now that we have Jax. I see him grow and change every day, but baby David doesn't grow and change for me. In fact, he will be a baby to me forever because that is the image I have of him in my memory. This would have been his first Fourth of July too.

We so enjoyed having Jax this year to celebrate his first holiday with though. I love him and the healing affect he has had on my broken heart. Isn't he the cutest!?

Forever Love

Being home with Jax has been different than I expected. There are different challenges than I thought there would be, and the moments of joy are different than I anticipated as well. But even in the hard moments, it has been so great. 

My whole family came to visit to meet Jax about a week after he was born. While they were here they wanted to go visit D3. So we all went on Sunday afternoon. Aside from the actual funeral, that was the hardest trip to Quantico for me. I never imagined how much healing Jax would bring to my heart; how his little body snuggling up against mine in the middle of the night would soothe the wounds of the past year.  I couldn't fathom how life would be. But I also never imagined how quick and hard the pain could flood back in. I never thought about how seeing Jax would bring up more questions about David and an even greater desire to know him. I didn't realize that being able to tell Jax every day that I love him would make the fact that I never got to tell baby David I love him hurt even more.  

Having children on both sides of the veil has taught me so much about eternal families and forever love. We are so thankful for our temple covenants, our understanding of eternal life, and especially our special little family. 

Shay takes pics

My sister Shayla came to visit a couple days before Jax was born. She helped us finish up some stuff, hung out in the hospital all day waiting for Jax to arrive, and fed me ice chips during labor (at some point she did mention that I reminded her of a whale because at sea world they put ice on their tongues. Awesome thing to say to a pregnant lady...ha ha). She also hung out in the hospital for the two following days. And when we got home she took pictures. Here are a few of them:

We may be a tad bias, but we think he is the cutest boy ever. We love him more and more every day. 

Celebrating Birthdays

Happy Birthday Jax!

 

Long labor, several complications, no sleep the night before = cute baby and a beat Momma

So in Love.  

Already cannot get enough of him.

 Poor tongue tied baby had to learn how to suck after getting his tongue clipped. :(

 Jax Loves his Daddy. He is the best at getting him to stop crying. 

Happy Family. 

Getting Ready to Go home. Finally.  

This is my favorite picture. Baby Jax holding his brother David's footprints. 

And Happy Birthday Auntie Shayla!

More pictures to follow. He looks so different already! 

Rainbow Baby

Rainbow Baby
mir-a-cle
Noun 
1. Baby born after the loss of another child
2. "Rainbow Babies are the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it does not mean that the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What is means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and the clouds. Storm clouds may still loom over, but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy, and much needed hope."
Synonyms
marvel, wonder, blessing, mercy, love

At the hospital right now. Long (and somewhat traumatizing) day yesterday but we made it. And then I spent all night cuddling my new little one. The lack of sleep was worth it. 

One of the amazing people from S.O.B.B.S is doing a balloon/butterfly release yesterday. Our D3 was one of the names that is written on a little butterfly to be attached to a balloon. It's comforting to know that he was being remembered and celebrated yesterday (even though I wasnt there) on his little brothers birthday. 

Beautiful Heartbreak

It is so crazy that we will be meeting our second baby THIS WEEK. I have been taking one day at a time, the entire time, and its a little surreal that the days are running out. I cant believe how many days have passed, how many tears have been shed, but also how many smiles there have been. It really has been a beautiful heartbreak. 

Full Term!

I have pretty much been terrified this entire pregnancy, and I still am, but I am finally 37 weeks. Full Term!! I have been wanting to get here so bad, some days it feels like I am holding my breath all day long waiting for it. I've trusted that he would have been fine if born early for several weeks now, but since I am now full term I do not have to go back to the hospital that baby David was born at and can instead go to the much newer, much more comfortable, and MUCH closer hospital. Which for me is great because Ive had panic attacks every time I've had to make the trek to Bethesda (d3's hospital). It will also be much more convenient in case we forget anything since Fort Belvoir (baby #2's hospital) is 5 minutes up the street. We have a scheduled induction for June 13th right now (say what you want about medical intervention in pregnancy, sometimes it is necessary and yes I have thoroughly studied everything and this is the safest thing for me and my baby) but I am no longer on the shots that have kept me from going into preterm labor my whole pregnancy (because I am full term now!!) so it could literally be any time. David hopes I make it to the induction date because it works out with his schedule better for taking paternity leave. I hope I do because my favorite doctor will be on shift that day and there are a couple doctors I would like to avoid. Can't wait to meet this little one.  Hoping for a drastically different birth experience this time around.