How Great Thou Art

I have done a lot of reflecting this week. A friend of ours from our old ward in San Diego lost their little boy to cancer. Whenever someone loses a child I can't help but think about our experiences with losing one also. I feel for them, as the memories of those hours and days after saying goodbye to our boy come flooding back to the front of my mind. This time though, I also felt oddly jealous. I remember right after we lost D3 how much pain there was, but I also remember what a spiritual experience it was. Heaven was opened to me in a way that it never has been before. My heart was so broken that there was not an ounce of pride left in me and I so perfectly understood the plan of salvation and my role in it. The Atonement felt more real to me then ever, and I could literally feel Christ's love around me as if it was a tangible thing holding me up and keeping me safe. I was offered glimpses of Eternity that I will hold close for the rest of my life. Over time that spiritual bubble I was living in faded a bit. Regular life resumed. I still remember everything I learned, but the veil between Heaven and Earth isn't quite as thin as I think Heavenly Father was allowing it to be during that time. Despite the deep, intense pain I was feeling, I sometimes miss that spiritual bubble. Because in the middle of the pain and sorrow, I also had the most moments of pure peace I have ever experienced.

Today while getting ready for church, my thoughts were still on these friends and what they might be feeling at this time. I have been praying for them since I found out about their sweet boy's passing to be able to have those same types of amazing spiritual experiences that I did and to just feel how deeply loved they are.  During church we sang "How Great Thou Art" as an opening song. When it got to the last verse where it says, " When Christ shall come, with shouts of acclamation, and take me home, what joy shall fill my heart. Then I shall bow, in humble adoration, and there proclaim, 'My God How Great Thou Art'" I could hardly hold the tears back. I can't wait for the joy that will fill my heart when I see my little boy again. And I know that this family will get to hold their precious boy again too. I am thankful that Heavenly Father continues to offer me tender mercies and will confirm to my heart again no matter how many times he has before that all is not lost, my family will be made whole, and I will get to cradle my precious little one in my arms again some day.