Yesterday

I got my first mother's day card from my own child yesterday (yes my child is a genius and can make mothers day cards and sign his name all before his first birthday. Ok maybe his dad helped a little bit…ok maybe his dad did the whole thing). It was sweet. But it also made me miss the child that wasn't here. It made me sad I will never see his handprint crafts. I will never wear a macaroni necklace he made. I've never washed his sticky fingers,  and I don't get to kiss his chubby little cheeks every day.

It was 2 years ago on Mother's Day that we announced to the world that David III was coming. My mothers heart feels like it failed him. I was supposed to protect him and I couldn't. And missing him will always hurt.

So yesterday was hard for me. Harder than I thought it would be. And after I got my little one to bed, I cried for the one I have never tucked in.

But today I woke up and tried to be the best mom to my boys that I could be. I hugged Jax extra long this morning, and pushed away the laundry basket to play instead of fold clothes. I know Jax appreciates that his big brother taught his mom how to love better, and about which things really matter and which things just don't matter at all.

I am so glad that children are part of our Heavenly Father's plan for us. I know mine have, in the short time they have been a part of my life, helped me to be more patient, more loving, and more like Christ than any other experience I have ever had. My children make me holier and I want to be the best for them.

Happy Mother's Day to all you moms that accepted this difficult calling and are also becoming holier and trying hard to make yourselves more like Christ every day and be the best that you can be for your little ones. You are amazing.