10 Months

Dear D-3,

I can't believe it has been 10 months already since I last looked at your sweet, beautiful, little face. I thought my heart was going to explode from all the love I felt for you, and from all the pain at having you gone.  Sometimes it surprises me at how many days have passed, and sometimes I feel like it was just yesterday. It is those days when I cry the most because the wounds in my heart and spirit feel so fresh.  Your dad and I still talk about you often. We like to think about what you would be doing now if you were here.

I hope you are getting to know some of your family there.  I know there are many that need you and your amazing spirit to help them learn and progress. And while my soul still aches every day from missing you so much, I am very proud that you passed the test of this earth so quickly and got to go straight back home to our Heavenly Father.

In just a couple of weeks, if everything goes well, we will be meeting your little brother. It makes me so sad that I won't get to watch you two grow up together, especially since you would be so close in age. And it makes me really sad that I have already had more time with your brother than I got to have with you. But I know you are never far away and you will still be able to look out for your little brother (Make sure you tell mom if he does something naughty when I am not around).  It will be hard to see him grow up when I won't get to see you grow up, but we look forward to a time when we can hold you again and when we can get to know you. You are such an important part of our family, the one who made us become a family really. Without you we were a couple, but with you we are a family. I still have fears that everyone will forget all about you, but your dad always reminds me that we will never forget you and that is the only thing that really matters.

I never thought I would be a mom with an angel baby(I don't think any moms with angel babies ever think about it.) But it makes me feel so special that you chose me to be your mom and that you chose to be a part of our family.  I know your dad feels honored to have you as his son too. You taught me so much in your short life about what love is, and about how to be a better person, and especially a better mother.  You also taught me about eternity, and allowed me to see and understand more of Heavenly Father's plan for me and our family.  You showed us the things that truly matter.  You gave my life such great purpose, and showed me so many miracles. And even though I will also be mom to your little brother, I am a mother because of you.  You will always be my first, the one that changed my life forever.  I love you my sweet boy. So so much.

Love,
Mom